Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
