I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
