hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
