I want to make a zoo with you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
