NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
