Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
