I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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