you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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