just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
