drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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