We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
