so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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