Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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