I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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