That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
