So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
