Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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