I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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