dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
