is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
