In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
