it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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