you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
