the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I will pee on everything he values.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
