did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
