So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
