my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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