matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
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After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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