"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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