i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
