You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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