A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize