i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
