I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have post one night stand depression
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