You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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