My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
