I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got chris browned last night
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
