we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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