I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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