He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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