I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
