Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
