You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
