Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
