hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
