I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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