FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
