I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
