Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
