Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
