i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
