Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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