If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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