we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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