yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
