I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
