so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
