AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
