Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
