Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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