Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
