My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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