Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
