Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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