Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
