2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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