When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
