I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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