Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
