i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
