I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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