Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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