By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
