Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
