My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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