So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
