yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
