Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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