That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
