just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
