be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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