i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there was a trapeze. enough said
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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