a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
