How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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