I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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