wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
