Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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