when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
