Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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