All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
