I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
